When we place our children in classes, sports, or creative programs, we’re not just signing them up for skill-building—we’re entrusting their hearts and minds to the adults in the room.
Recently, I enrolled my daughter in a ballet program. Within her very first class, she noticed something I believe we cannot ignore: the way words were being used. While she was treated kindly, another child was met with harsh, negative reinforcement. Phrases like “Stop messing up—you’re making it harder for everyone!” and even “I’m going to kill you if you don’t do this correctly!” were directed at a student who was simply learning.
My daughter, who has been raised to understand the power of words, immediately recognized the harm in this approach. Instead of joining the silence, she walked over to that child and offered encouragement: “I think you’re doing great.” That child’s grateful response said it all—words can wound, but they can also heal.
Here’s the truth: the words we use with children don’t just vanish after class ends. They become the voices children hear inside their heads—sometimes for the rest of their lives. If those voices are shaming, belittling, or threatening, we teach children to be their own harshest critics. If those voices are affirming and kind, we teach children to believe in themselves and to keep going, even when something feels hard.
Teachers, coaches, and mentors are shaping far more than technique. They are shaping how children talk to themselves, how they see their own potential, and whether they feel safe to grow. The stakes are far higher than a perfect turnout or flawless performance.
We must move away from fear-based, negative strategies and embrace positive reinforcement. Not because it’s “softer,” but because it’s more effective. Children thrive in environments where kindness fuels discipline, and respect fuels growth.
If we truly want to raise resilient, confident, emotionally intelligent young people, then we need to examine not just what we are teaching them, but how. Words are never just words. They are tools—and sometimes weapons—that can shape a child’s self-belief for life.
It’s time that responsibility is taken seriously.