"BE NICE TO OTHERS AND THEY'LL BE NICE TO YOU...." REALLY?

🌟 Teaching Kindness Without Losing Self-Respect

“Be nice to others and they’ll be nice to you.”

It’s a common statement we’ve all been taught as kids. I remember hearing it countless times from adults in my life. But as a child (and even later in my twenties), it often left me feeling confused or even unworthy. I would share and share, yet not receive the same kindness back. I would go out of my way to be kind, only to be left broken-hearted.

Here’s the truth: Being kind to others does not guarantee kindness in return. And to teach our children that it does may be setting them up for disappointment.

I don’t want my kids to be kind only with the hope that others will be kind back. I want them to be kind because they are kind—because it’s the right thing to do, for themselves and for the world. And I want them to carry self-respect alongside their kindness, so it becomes part of their foundation throughout life.

💛 Why Kindness Alone Isn’t Enough

As parents, we walk a fine line. Of course, we want our kids to be kind—but we also don’t want their kindness to be taken advantage of. Teaching kindness without teaching boundaries risks raising children who allow others to misuse their good hearts.

The world, as we know as adults, isn’t always kind back. Our children can’t fully see that yet, but it’s our job to prepare them for what they’ll face.

Kindness should never mean allowing someone else to manipulate or diminish who we are. And it should never mean ignoring self-respect.

🌈 A Better Way to Teach the Lesson

So maybe it’s time to update that old saying. Instead of:
“Be nice to others and they’ll be nice to you,”

What if we taught our children this:
“Be nice to others and you’ll find MOST OF THEM will be nice to you.” And we should go even further to say, “But sometimes, you’ll just need to walk away. And that’s OK my darling, because your sunshine can just be saved for someone else on another day!”

This shift does three important things:

1. Teaches our kids to be kind.

2. Prepares them that not everyone will return kindness.

3. Empowers them to walk away from unkindness with dignity.

It’s taken me years (and a lot of heartache) to learn this lesson myself. Looking back, there are so many friendships and relationships I could have spared myself if I’d known when to walk away.

🌟 Raising Kind, Confident Kids

I believe it’s important for our children to be kind—but also to recognize there are limits to the unkindness they should accept. At the heart of this lesson is self-respect.

If we can start this conversation early with our children—teaching them that kindness is powerful, but boundaries are essential—just imagine the strong, compassionate, confident adults they will become.

The Elle Grey Story, KINDNESS is coming soon!